Setting the scene

It’s my senior year and we’re just starting our fall season. There’s a fall season, which is basically a practice season, and a spring season, our regular 55 game stretch. During that fall and winter-time period, there are fewer NCAA restrictions on the number of hours you can have official practice. AKA, you’re at the field ALL THE TIME. Meanwhile, in trying to make the most of my senior year, I had a little too much fun with my fellow teammates. We hit it hard during the week and even harder at the bars on the weekend. You see where this is going…?

Fast forward

It’s now the end of the semester. Exams are coming up, people are hanging on by a thread, and I’m a zombie. I was completely going through the motions at this point. Here I am, one of two seniors. I’m supposed to be leading my team, yet I can barely find the motivation to take some extra swings before practice. My performance is suffering and my mental state is in the dumpster. I’m not making a great impression with the freshman and the coaches aren’t very impressed either. I was feeling the self-induced pressure from every angle.

My realization

I’m sitting in the back corner of a night class after practice, not even pretending to pay attention to anything my professor says. All I can think about is how I’m not where I want to be. The only thing I’ve been leading this whole semester is the group shots on Saturday nights. I feel like I’ve completely let down my teammates, especially the freshman looking to me to set the example. This was THE most critical time to keep my foot on the gas pedal and I let up.

Re-evaluating myself

I always strived to be the teammate who held the standard in my daily actions. To be the player who gets 1% better every day by taking those extra reps. I was always hungry for my next at-bat, inning in the circle, or opportunity for a big play. I used to love showing up to practice just for the sheer sake of being with my teammates. Where was that girl?

The solution

It was time to stop throwing my pity party. I knew I was responsible for my own demise, which meant I was just as capable of getting my shit together. I went home that Christmas break and I doubled down. I couldn’t make up for lost time altogether, but I’d be damned if I didn’t come back a different player than when I left. I went back to the basics. I came back in touch with who I was as a player. I took the reps, which led to confidence in my abilities again. Ultimately it allowed me to show up the way my teammates deserved for my senior season.

Not living up to your own values eats at you. As I say all the time, we’re not perfect and we’re not supposed to be. It’s how you respond to the slip-ups that really count. So, will you figure it out, or will you fold?